In-laws: The Outlaws Of Marriage?
You love him; you hate them. But for better or worse, you got them all. So how can you turn the in-laws from the Wild West into sweet suburbanites? The answer may surprise you.
Marriage can be a tricky thing even when you and your spouse are soul mates, but factor in in-laws that don’t realize new boundaries exist for them and their adult child and you can have real problems. But taking a look at why in-laws interfere in marriages can help.
Some in-laws, especially a mother-in-law, might be dealing with an only child’s departure from home if you married at a young age and they don’t have any other children to focus on instead of your new spouse.
Empty nester mother-in-laws are dealing with the loss of their child and a new family member that they might not know very well—or have anything in common with. For this type of in-law outlaw you need to try and include them in as much as possible your first year of marriage: birthday celebrations, significant holidays and important events.
Bend a little and allow them to guide holiday plans if at all possible (and your parents understand), since the first year is the hardest for them. If your spouse always went home for Thanksgiving but never for Christmas, do the same thing this year, but go with him. But make sure you let them know that this is your idea, to help them deal with the sudden changes, so they don’t expect it to be an every year occurrence.
If your father-in-law is the pushy kind, always got to tell you and your husband what to do and how to do it, figure out what he is really good at and ask him to help you with that. In-laws just want to feel useful sometimes, so finding what they are very good at doing can diminish some of the frustration you—and they—might feel. This is especially true if the in-laws are retired, with a lot of time on their hands.
You’ve probably heard it said that you should pick your battles wisely, since it isn’t wise to fight every battle you encounter. That is sage advice, especially with in-law issues. And not every in-law disagreement or issue is something that should even be addressed, just like you don’t contest every thing your boss tells you to do either.
You need to, in the words of Kenny Rogers, ‘know when to hold’m, know when to fold’m and know when to’ let some of those issues just ‘go’.
Save your “I’m standing my ground” position for issues that you really care about and will not brook any argument over. If you are accommodating when you can be and only dig in your heels on important stuff, you will have a lot less wars to wage and better in-law relations. This sound relationship advice is sure to improve the relationship between you and you in=laws.
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